Winter Chill

Well, it has been a very cold and icy winter so far. We might be getting our one and only big snow of the year tonight. Our local weatherman, and a darn good one, says up to 8 inches, maybe more. As can be seen in this picture from a few days ago, our hens are struggling a bit without their nice green pasture and bugs to eat. Paco brings home lettuce and tomato scraps from the restaurant which they greedily devour. We didn't think eggs this small were possible til we held one in our hands. Lillian was eager to see what was inside such a small egg so it was quickly cracked. Just a white. Poor ladies. They have plenty of food and water, but nothing can replace fresh pasture. Our eggs are sooooo good, now we can see the difference of a non-pastured chicken.

Lily's Layers is full steam ahead. She has more customers than eggs and school and yoga class deliveries make it super convenient. She has saved enough to meet half the cost of expansion. I ordered 25 rare breed egg layers, 2 Araucana males, 1 rose combed leghorn male, and a partridge red rock male. These 4 potential Romeo's will be participants in the Serrano version of survivor. The one or two guys who have the nicest vocal chords and turn into good protectors of their harem get to stay and the others will be destined for the freezer.

I have ordered seeds from Seed Savers and Baker's Creek and am very excited. It will be a fun year with Hmong Red Cucumbers, Orange Fleshed Purple Smudge Tomatoes, Opopeo Amaranth, Aunt Molly's Ground Cherries, 3 colors of Tomatillo's, and Rainbow Inca Sweet Corn to name a few. What a miraculous bounty of color. Lilllian is especially excited about the corn. She has a passion for it and has discovered she can almost always beat her dad at a corn on the cob eating contest.

The real news of this winter is the fact that Lily and I are healthy!! I cannot remember any winter being so healthy. Dr. Lightstone has worked miracles. One of these miracles was just the last time I saw her. My sleep quality has been going downhill and she suggested a tea. What a difference! The one night I made it and then forgot to drink it was my only poor night of sleep in a week. Of course, I still have hurdles to cross but it is amazing to me how far I have come.

Lillian is loving school and was very happy to get back after break. They are working on their letters this semester and she is really enjoying it. She is also enjoying having Pepita, aka "bad doggy", inside for the winter. Pepita stays on Lily's bed each night while she goes to sleep.

I am enjoying the knitting group I started and am making some good friends. Suni gave me some free passes to her BodyFlow class and I have enjoyed this too. It is a combo of Pilates, Yoga, and Tai Chi and I always feel great after it.

We are now the owners of a Wii. I am pretty anti-video game, but I was interested in the interactivity. We played it a little in NH and when presented with the opportunity to use our Best Buy card and get 3 years no payment/no interest if we bought the Wii at the same time we purchased a much needed CPU, it seemed wise. My 6 yo laptop has been slowly dying for awhile and after Christmas decided to lock me out of certain functionality so the new cpu was needed. This being January after the worst financial year on La Scala history, we had no option other than to use our card. And because this is the land of buy now, pay later and buy much more, pay much later, we got a good deal.

Lillian and I toasted the inauguration with sparkling pear juice. It feels like a collective sigh of relief. It s like I have been living my life so long knowing that there is a crazy man driving the bus and now I can relax knowing a really great driver is in charge. I think often of the Obama girls and how all of this will impact them. I am glad they have their grandma with them.

Paco is driven to distraction by the economy and the restaurant and I am working hard to redirect his feelings of powerlessness into usefulness. He is starting on a project to move the washer and dryer into the guest bath and at the same time, completely redoing the guest bath. The washer and dryer will be stacked where the toilet now is and the toilet will go where the cabinet is. To accomplish this a smaller sink/vanity will be installed. The floor will have to be redone as well, so it is a big domino effect. All this so we can come closer to realizing our dream of getting the washer and dryer out of what will become the dining room!

A New Year, A New Look

to kick off a new year both La Scala and Lily got new looks. Lily insisted she wanted her next haircut to be very short and have her "ears out." Paco took her to his Mexican stylist and she has the world's cutest pixie cut. She looks fantastic and is thrilled to have hair so short she looks good just messing it up with her hand every morning. I am very proud of her for bucking the pressure to have long locks like most girls. She has the kind of fine features that pulls this look off great.

Paco spent the entire La Scala hiatus repainting the main dining room, the bathrooms, and the stairs at La Scala. It was the biggest bang we could make for the smallest buck and it looks amazing. It is a rich, deep terracotta, with white trim and brown accents. I called artist Bill Cross. His giant abstract canvases graced our walls for years until he moved away. I heard he was back and he is thrilled to reinstall his work this weekend. Yeah!! La Scala will look better than it ever has.

We had a wonderful Christmas both here and in NH. It was so wonderful to spend the holiday with our family. Lillian played with her cousins every day until she passed out practically. Paco relaxed in a way I did not think he was capable of. I had a great and relaxing time myself relieved of many of my mother/wife chores.

The week was complicated by the fact that I was convinced the very suspicious mole surgically removed form my leg just one day before we left for NH was indeed a malignant melanoma. Dr. Thomas said maybe, but the surgeon was convinced. I did not want to taint Christmas for my family and Paco and I decided we would wait to tell them until we got results on the 26th. No results until the 29th, so we told them on Sunday the 28th. This way I would not break the bad news and then hop on a plane. But, before we lift we got the good news that it was benign on Monday morning. I could finally exhale.

Now we are home in back in our routine. Lillian is happily back at school, we are back in Yoga Together and she starts tap today. La Scala reopened yesterday and although business is not mind-blowing, it is not horrible. I am running knitting club once a week to meet the demand and making some good friends. I am going to a local gym to take a class call BodyFlow with my friend Suni. It is yoga, pilates, and cardio all in one. I am amazed, knock on wood, that it is mid-january now and I am hanging in there without any major health crisis yet.

magic of christmas

Tonight while filling the stockings, I was moved to tears. I knew Lillian had been busily filling the stockings over the week with a few items she had purchased for us and some found around the house objects. What I found out tonight as I stuffed was that she had given us both handwritten "letters" full of squiggles and hearts. She gave me a piece of the soap we had made together that she originally told me she was going to keep for herself. She also "gave" me my brown gloves I have been looking for all week. She gave both Paco and I rocks--one of her favorite gifts. I am so overwhelmed by love and gratitude for this child and her giving spirit.

A money job

The picture is of Lillian at the children's museum. She is brushing the dinosaur's teeth. We went down to Indy on the day before Thanksgiving to get Paco's prints done for his citizenship app and meet our friends Wes, Mary and baby Wesley for lunch and a museum date.



Well, Trouble has stayed in the barn, so far. She has not sat on her relocated nest. We will see. We will do our best to protect her, but I respect her wanderlust. I told Lillian I wanted to write a book for kids about Trouble that would make me a million, billion dollars. She said good "then you will have a money job like me and Daddy!" She, of course, has her egg business and Daddy the restaurant, and mom?, what does she do??



Lillian has grown so much lately that Paco and I had to make an emergency run to Once Upon a Child (thankfully they exist) and buy her new sneakers. She has also grown a lot emotionally and developmentally. She knows almost all her letters by sight now. She loves school and is much more socially confident. As last year, she is so excited about Christmas she is going to pop. She has helped decorate due to her fervent belief that Santa's measure of you is greatly influenced by your Christmas decorations.



We will have the La Scala Holiday party this week and she has a $7 (!) party dress. Unlike past years, this budget friendly party will be a carry-in of desserts and appetizers.



I am having a little trouble getting in the holiday mood. I don't think it is the economy, but that doesn't help. Everything seems to be flying by so fast. Everyday Lily and I try to do something holiday related. Over the weekend, we made soap together for presents. That was fun.



I have started a knitting group through GLAM and it has gone very well. We have our second mtg next Monday. And, I am almost done with knitted gifts. I am on the last hat!! After that I am going to make myself a felted bag with Noro Kureyon. Yippee!!

Gotta go, time to wake up the troops. Paco an I are going to take our Lily free morning and buy each other stocking stuffers so we have something to open on Xmas morn. No grown-up presents this year. Thanks again W!!

A Chicken Named Trouble

All our laying hens, 11 of them, are named Charlotte. Just this week Lillian and I decided that one, the hen who is a beautiful silvery white, should be called Trouble. She is the one who built a nest on the compost pile and horded 11 eggs. She is sometimes missing and then magically returns. I have seen her on several occasions slipping through a very small gap between the electric poultry netting and the barn. Lately, with the bitter cold temperatures, she is often missing in the evening and mysteriously reappears in the AM. Over the past day and a half she had not been seen and we were sure that she had been eaten or fhad froze to death. We knew her disappearing act was probably due to a new secret nest. We had come to terms with her overwhelming need to wander and brood and knew her fate was in her own hands. We have searched in the daylight and in the dark for any sign of her and had no leads as to where she was and where she was nesting--until tonight.

I asked Paco to put a heat lamp up in the barn for the hens because the nights have been brutal. He had to walk out to the lean-to in the back pasture, quite a distance from the barn, to get the heat lamp. Back in the farthest corner of the lean-to, behind a large feed crock that blocked the wind, was Trouble resolutely sitting on a nest she had fashioned out of hay. She was alive. This hiding place is quite a ways form the protection of the barn, and surrounded by rail fence. She has had to brave the weather, 3 dogs, and a long commute to get from barn to nest. Woods surround the len-to where she was nesting and our yard is frequently visited by predators.

Paco and I decided that she should be moved, by force, back to the barn. I admire her determination and respect her yearning for motherhood, as well as her surprising bravery and intelligence. She would clearly die if left on her nest. Honestly, it's a miracle she has not frozen to death or become someone's dinner.

The stall in the barn we use as a hen house joins with another stall, via a sliding window. So, we moved Trouble (she had to be forced off the nest), her 16 eggs, and hay for a new nest into the adjoining stall. This way she can still have a semi-private place to set on her eggs as well as warmth and access to food and water. Sadly, Trouble has no boyfriend on our farm and her eggs will never hatch, but we have promised her if she can make it through the winter we will get her a man and she can brood as many baby chicks as her heart desires. My own long and heartbreaking journey to motherhood makes me especially proud of and sensitive to Trouble's determination. She is one hell of a chicken. It was 12 degrees last night. She sat on those eggs, without access to food or water. She found the safest and warmest place she could outside the barn, and she has worked for weeks to build a nest of 16 perfect, yet unfertilized, eggs.

I am so glad we found her alive, but sad that we messed with her plans. I hope that she will like the nest where it is and her wanderlust is satiated for the time being.

A Letter To My Daughter

November 6, 2008


Dear Lillian,


First of all, dear, I love you. I want to write this letter so that you will understand what happened in these days and why it was so important. My sincere hope is that what has transpired now will not seem miraculous or abnormal to you in the future, and I want you to know why it was when it happened. I have explained to you now as well as I can and you have shared in the excitement along with us, but your 4-year-old self cannot grasp it all.

Two days ago, Barack Obama was elected the president of the United States of America. Your father and I very much wanted him to win. For the first time we donated money and time to an election campaign. We are confident that he is a great man who can not only inspire, but has the intellect and moral sense to be a truly great president and lead the American people and the world out of a very dark time. What I did not know until he won, and he won by a landslide baby, was that his victory would shake my soul. I am almost as emotional and joyful as I was at your birth. This feels like a birth. It is the birth of hope in me and in many others.

You and your father are the reason why I am so filled with emotion and joy. I don’t think I had admitted that to myself until yesterday. My wonderful brown immigrant husband and my amazing brown daughter are going to be able to live in a country where an intelligent, inspirational brown man is the leader of this country. It is a new day. The marginalized minorities of this country can step forward and know they are being represented too. I hope, for your sake, you are never president, but it makes all the difference in the world for you to know you could be.

I do not want you to think that Obama’s victory is so important because of the color of his skin. I would not have voted for someone based on skin color, just as I could never support Governor Palin based on the fact that she is a woman. It is so important because America finally showed it could see beyond color, beyond political parties, beyond apathy, and reach for hope. Not only are people like your father and I happy about this victory--- so is most of the world. Today has been declared a national holiday in Kenya, the birthplace of Obama’s father. On TV, we have seen people in Australia and Japan jumping up and down for joy. Many in the world sense that this means an America that can be a beacon again.

Our country has been locked in bitter times. The economy has fallen apart, we have spent so much time and energy accumulating wealth and almost none protecting our planet, and the politics of blame and hate have scapegoated and suppressed the poor and immigrants in this country. It is often darkest before the dawn. Bitter, aggressive, and greedy politics and the complacency and apathy of Americans caused a breakdown of such magnitude that it has brought this possibility. Obama and what he stands for would not have been possible unless Americans felt pushed into a corner. This is not just an election, but also a transformation.

Obama has unworldly expectations to live up to, and he won’t be able to deliver on all of them. I honestly believe, however, that his intentions are real and that he will do the best he can. He has awoken the American people and if we keep striving along with him, a lot can get better. We are at a point, as a country, and as an entire global family, where we must change the way we live in order to save life on our planet. I hope that this transformational change is just what we needed in order to reprioritize and make a revolutionary shift in the way we live. Like us, the Obama’s have young daughters. They want their children to have a home that is safe to live in.

I have hope for a post-Obama future as well. The people who made the big difference in this election, were young people and minorities. Millions of them voted for the first time. I helped a man register who said he had never voted before in his life. He has a black man who was in his 40’s. People stood in line for 6, 7, and 8 hours to vote. Obama’s mother was white and his father was a black man from Kenya. He grew up poor. His story and his words and his intentions have raised the expectations of the disenfranchised and the hopeless. My fervent wish is that his presidency will be a permanent shift in how and who we elect as our leaders and that the people who came forward to help this campaign will continue to work and vote and have hope for America. Your generation will grow up with a whole new set of expectations and understanding of how the world works.

Not only did Obama win, but he fought a tight race in the primaries against Hilary Clinton. In this historic and mind-boggling election, the democrats had to actually choose between a well-experienced liberal woman, and an inspirational man of color. What a choice to have. Cornel West, a Princeton scholar, said that what the country needs now is not a Clinton, but a Lincoln. These words ring true to me. Hilary Clinton would have made a good president and her victories in the primary broke barriers for all women, including you, but Obama will be a truly great president and represents a transformation of not only politics, but of the identity of Americans.

Your father came to this country 15 years go in order to have a real chance to make something of his life. Staying in Mexico would have meant spending his life working endless hours doing menial, backbreaking work without the ability to follow his dreams and make his own way. His story is the story of millions. His story is the story of America. Your birthparents had the same story. Your father has built, with my aide, his own independent and very successful business. He took an idea and an opportunity and has worked harder than anyone I have ever known to attain it. He has done it not just for him, but also for us. We have the satisfaction of knowing that despite the hardships it brings, we work for ourselves. Your father is not mistreated in someone else’s kitchen as many immigrants are, and he has created good, stable jobs for 20 more people—immigrants and citizens. His story, our story, is the American story. This country is great and strong because people from all over the world made their dreams into reality and were allowed the opportunity.

So for the first time I can ever remember, my darling daughter, I feel patriotic. I feel like my country lived up to my expectations of what America is supposed to be. I know in my soul now that your father chose the right country, as did your birthparents, and I am lucky to have been born here.

Yesterday, we celebrated. You had school in the morning and your father was at work, but last night we had an election fiesta. We had quintessential American food (and a menu I knew you would love). You enjoyed cheeseburgers, fries, salad, corn on the cob and ice cream sundaes (you were particularly excited about the sprinkles). After dinner and egg gathering, we played soccer with Tinsel and then we came inside and danced in the kitchen to a Dan Zanes CD. We listened to the lyrics: queremos bailar un dia de sonrisas that translates as we want to dance on this day of smiles. That was exactly how joyful we felt on this day of smiles. You even changed into your pink sparkly shoes. When I put you to bed, I told you a brief version of Obama’s life and election. Then I kissed you as you drifted off to sleep in a new world.

I love you,

Mom

the season of death

Happy Day of the Dead

tomorrow we will be making our pan de muerto and the candles are lit. we will have chicken from our own farm along with mole. our farm's eggs will go into the bread.

at this time when we remember our loved ones that are gone, we have new deaths to reflect on as well. Last Sunday, after a valiant effort that included pumping 3/4 gallon of goat electrolytes into Valentine and giving her 6 injections a day, we made the decision to put our 2 remaining goats down. Thankfully, Paco stepped up to do the dirty work. We still don't know exactly what we were fighting or how we got it, but the best guess is listeriosis. I have been truly saddened by our outcome and am not ready to make any decisions about future hoof stock.

tomorrow we will also get down the special pink box that holds the few mementos we have our our first daughter, Adele, who was stillborn 12 years ago tomorrow. Lillian has already asked about her. she knows that Day of the Dead is a celebration but also a sad reflection.

we had a great Halloween week. Lillian, paco, and I went down to the newly renovated Lafayette Theater for the "Boo Bash" showing of "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown." On Wednesday I got to make a special appearance in her preschool class t help the kids decorate sugar skulls. ON Thursday Paco and I were both in attendance for the class Halloween parade and songs. Friday night we both took her Trick or treating downtown and then I took her out to one of the subdivisions. She was a beautiful Pocahantas and I was very proud of her--she was a brave and very polite trick or treater. This year she went up and rang doorbells all by herself as I waited on the sidewalk.

Today we cleaned up the garden and rigged the poultry net so the hens could get in the garden and have their way with the mushy tomatoes.

Ohmmmm.

http://www.wlfi.com/global/video/popup/pop_playerLaunch.asp?clipId1=3018102&at1=News&vt1=v&h1=Parents+and+children+enjoy+yoga+together&d1=134834&redirUrl=www.wlfi.com&activePane=info&LaunchPageAdTag=homepage&clipFormat=flv

this link should take you to Lily and my's TV appearance for our yoga class.

Yesterday, we went to a local dairy where we got to tour the facility and see a calf being born. We were on a bus for the tour and when we stood up for disboarding, Lily pointed toward the back and said loudly "A Mexican! A Mexican!" Obviously she has been taught about Mexico and is starting to recognize people's ethnicities. We laughed, but explained it os not OK to point at people. Of course, since Lily and her dad are obviously Hispanic themselves, people thought this was cute.

She also amazed us yesterday by raising her hand in a group of 40 people and asking a question. I almost fell over!

About a month ago, we were in Indy at INS to renew Paco's green card. When I was filling out the form I told Paco it was complete except for his Alien number. This cracked Lillian up for hours to find out her daddy is a martian.

Misc

Here is Lily all ready to go into ballet. Good grief! She is adorable and loves it and I am very proud, but I must admit that I was the one mother that would have preferred kung fu and I got ballet. The moms sit outside and can see in via the one way glass. These moms chat about drill teams and cheereleaders and barbie. I knit.

Lillian was going through a difficult phase for awhile, but seems to be doing much better. She has been great recently. She has gone through a big developmental spurt recently as well as gaining an inch of height. She goes around reciting opposites. We were in an art gallery today and she pointed at a beauitful blue plate and said it looked like the MIlky Way. That kid.

Lillian sells our extra eggs and is doing a nifty business. She makes about $12-15 a week. She checks her ladies, all named Cahrlotte, and collects eggs every evening.

I am volunteering tomorrow for Obama. This election is so exciting. I have hope again.

Gotta go---bath is over.

catching up

Now that I am no longer milking and the garden is almost done, I am catching up. I spent the morning hours of Lily being at school, getting through the piles of crap on my desk. I even started Paco's citizenship app. If you apply before the end of the month it is cheaper and you get to take the easier test. Since Paco is a horrible test taker, it seems like the time to jump in.

The above pic is from early summer, but I would be remiss in not posting a trampoline pic.

Things are going well. Construction in front of La Scala is finally done. Our new GM is doing a bang-up job of increasing wine and liquor sales and the financial pic is a lot better. We are and will continue to be very careful---especially in this economy. I find it hard to imagine a way the W administration could have screwed up more. I also believe the only reason that this election is remotely close is due to racism and the high percentage of stupid rednecks in this country. Am I judgmental and a bit of an elitist? Guilty as charged, but I am not STUPID.

Lily is loving school, but her behavior recently has been on a decline. She is the over-tired, tantrum throwing girl that almost always means something is wonky in her diet. I am watching her diet like a hawk and waiting for the storm to pass. We are also talking a lot about patience and how it is just not fun to be a perfectionist. If anyone has ideas on how to curb the frustrations of a born perfectionist, pass them along.

She was snack leader today and we made popcorn balls. It was great, if sticky fun.

I have 4 dozen eggs and my fridge and they keep coming. Anyone want an omelet?

politics and eggs

As the election draws closer, I find myself getting excited. I have realized that if Obama wins, I will be, for the first time ever, patriotic.

I already decided that our little family will have a little red, white, and blue celebration if he wins. The idea of Barack Obama as president is so overwhelmingly delightful. It was announced yesterday that he is ahead even here in Indiana. ---In redneck, racist, backwoods Indiana. Maybe the one blessing of W is that he so totally screwed things up that it made it possible for someone like Obama to be electable. I am going to contact the local campaign and see how I can get involved.

As a family, we are doing a lot better. Things are back to normal. I am sleeping well, my mood is good, and pain is low. Lillian is so happy to be back in school and it gives structure to our days. As far as the farm, we are getting eggs now. It is like a daily treasure hunt. Lizzie is dried off and the garden has slowed way down.

I am taking yoga on Tuesdays and Lil and I take it together on Fridays. Our Yoga Together class was filmed by the local news yesterday and Lillian surprised me by desperately wanting to be interviewed. She chatted away and did not let me get a word in!

Paco has started running again. I am so glad. Proof to me that he is taking this blood sugar news seriously. Also, I made him an appt with the ND to talk about it.

things fall apart--or--finding a balance between blue go-gurt and hand-milked, handmade organic goat butter

well, it's been a long time. for the very few of you who read this blog, that is almost always a sign of trouble. I had a bad spell this late summer. things started getting bad near the end of July and got really bleak in August. I was doing so well that my MD and I made the decision to go off one of the anti-depressants in May. It seemed to go great, at first. Then I started to have sleeping trouble, did a bunch of stuff with the ND to help with that. Some of what we did was helpful, but not great and then things just got bad. I felt like it was nervous breakdown the revenge plus a horrible fibro flare at the same time.

Of course my brain and body fall apart at the height of the harvest and the height of the summer. it was just bad. once i hit bottom and had the sense of how bad it was, i went back on the meds I had been on 3 months earlier--when things were good. that made all the difference in the world, but took weeks. the depression med turns you into a zombie for the first weeks and it is just hard to function. a good deal more challenging if you are milking twice a day, spending 6-10 hours doing hard garden labor a week, and trying to preserve all that food for your family. oh, and, did i mention, your husband is only home long enough to be fed and your child demands your constant attention.

somehow we got through it. It was bad for me, but really bad for all of us. Lillian said to me that maybe I shouldn't have a daughter. that is the kind of thing that makes your heart stop. the kind of thing that makes you feel like the world's biggest asshole. I can't always control my brain chemistry or the waxing and waning of this crappy pain, but I can not overextend myself to the point that the work becomes my life instead of enhancing our lives.

so, a lot has changed. we are no longer milking. 2 goats have been sold. the garden is winding down, of it's own accord, and I threw in the towel on the weeds a long time ago. the big change is the milking. it is incredibly time consuming and demanding. besides the milking itself, there is the prep, the cleanup, and then you have to deal with all the milk. even just milking one goat, we had more than a gallon a day. that is a great deal of milk for a family of 3. i miss it and truly enjoyed it, but value the freedom even more. I am glad we did it, but I think chickens and garden are more than enough farm work for me right now.

we have eggs!!!! we started getting eggs about a week and a half ago. I love having our laying hens. they are so easy to take care of and you get treasure every day. we get aqua, seafoam, pink, and brown eggs from our 11 Auracuana hens. we started with 1-3/day, but have built to 4-6 a day now and soon will have too many to deal with. Lillian will eat as many as I would give her and have to watch her intake.

so, i was in the health food store and saw a pound of goat butter for $6.99. of course, to the uninitiated that seems crazy, but I think it's a steal. I know that about 12 hours of labor go into that butter. If I buy it twice a year so may daughter can have buttercream on her cake, I think she comes out way ahead! so that's the balance i am seeking---no blue go-gurt but also no handmade goat butter.

on the locavore front, we are doing great even if we no longer have our own dairy prodcuts. I have canned pickles, honey-cucumber-jalapeno relish, eggplant caponanta, tomato sauce (not worth the effort), lots of salsa, peaches, peach pie filling, applesauce, pickled beets, and various jams. I am still doing small batches of salsa as straggler tomatoes ripen. I have dried tons of eggplant, beets, peppers, and tomatoes. I have also roasted, peeled, and frozen lots of poblanos and chuska peppers. Plenty of zucchinni got turned into bread and is in the freezer. I will still be doing plenty of more apples---dried, pie filling and sauce. I will make a batch of pear-cranberry chutney when it is time. I have lots of triamble pumpkins to bake and freeze. we have both a 1/4 beef, and half a hog on the way for the freezer and 10 chickens alrwady in there (from our own backyard). not bad.