catching up

On the eve of my 36th birthday, I am counting my blessings. I have been pretty angry lately about my fibromyalgia. I am channeling my anger into some pretty good actions, but the last couple of days I have been reminded of how wonderful I have it.

Lillian had a mini-breakdown yesterday. Tinsel was still at Purdue vet getting his shoulder operation, and I have been having many bad health weeks. Yesterday my fm was flaring bad and there was one point where i almost thought i could not walk. I was with lily and she desperately wanted to walk across the road to the fountain. I had to sit down for awhile in order to do that and she could tell I was in quite a bit of pain. Later, she was crawling into my lap and drove her hand into my thigh. This caused extreme pain and I screamed. By bedtime, she was crying. I knew why and tried to talk to her, but she didn't want to open up. I asked her if she wanted to talk to Nanny. So we called Nanny, I clued her in and she asked Lillian if she was upset because Mommy was not feeling well. She broke down then and cried for quite awhile. Of course, Mom and I told her that mommy was not broken and everything would be fine. She picked up a picture of Paco and I kissing and kept pointing at it. Her love for me and need for me is all-powerful. Of course, I felt guilty for her feeling this way.

Anyway, all this has me feeling the power of the people who love me and their need of me.

She is amazing.

She can button and unbutton her clothes now. She is loving school and we went on her first field trip yesterday. The city bus picked us up at school, took us to the bus barn and the bus wash, and then back again. She had a great time. School has given her a lot of social confidence she really enjoys having her own thngs to tell mom and dad about.

Her computer skills have blossomed too. I am amazed by her ability to use the laptop. She is gaining a lot of patience and confidence as well as the obvious lessons from her software programs. She is also really getting into science. She has always been a nature hound, but has been asking lots of things about anatomy and astronomy. She is also interested in magic and desperately wants to own a submarine.