A money job

The picture is of Lillian at the children's museum. She is brushing the dinosaur's teeth. We went down to Indy on the day before Thanksgiving to get Paco's prints done for his citizenship app and meet our friends Wes, Mary and baby Wesley for lunch and a museum date.



Well, Trouble has stayed in the barn, so far. She has not sat on her relocated nest. We will see. We will do our best to protect her, but I respect her wanderlust. I told Lillian I wanted to write a book for kids about Trouble that would make me a million, billion dollars. She said good "then you will have a money job like me and Daddy!" She, of course, has her egg business and Daddy the restaurant, and mom?, what does she do??



Lillian has grown so much lately that Paco and I had to make an emergency run to Once Upon a Child (thankfully they exist) and buy her new sneakers. She has also grown a lot emotionally and developmentally. She knows almost all her letters by sight now. She loves school and is much more socially confident. As last year, she is so excited about Christmas she is going to pop. She has helped decorate due to her fervent belief that Santa's measure of you is greatly influenced by your Christmas decorations.



We will have the La Scala Holiday party this week and she has a $7 (!) party dress. Unlike past years, this budget friendly party will be a carry-in of desserts and appetizers.



I am having a little trouble getting in the holiday mood. I don't think it is the economy, but that doesn't help. Everything seems to be flying by so fast. Everyday Lily and I try to do something holiday related. Over the weekend, we made soap together for presents. That was fun.



I have started a knitting group through GLAM and it has gone very well. We have our second mtg next Monday. And, I am almost done with knitted gifts. I am on the last hat!! After that I am going to make myself a felted bag with Noro Kureyon. Yippee!!

Gotta go, time to wake up the troops. Paco an I are going to take our Lily free morning and buy each other stocking stuffers so we have something to open on Xmas morn. No grown-up presents this year. Thanks again W!!

A Chicken Named Trouble

All our laying hens, 11 of them, are named Charlotte. Just this week Lillian and I decided that one, the hen who is a beautiful silvery white, should be called Trouble. She is the one who built a nest on the compost pile and horded 11 eggs. She is sometimes missing and then magically returns. I have seen her on several occasions slipping through a very small gap between the electric poultry netting and the barn. Lately, with the bitter cold temperatures, she is often missing in the evening and mysteriously reappears in the AM. Over the past day and a half she had not been seen and we were sure that she had been eaten or fhad froze to death. We knew her disappearing act was probably due to a new secret nest. We had come to terms with her overwhelming need to wander and brood and knew her fate was in her own hands. We have searched in the daylight and in the dark for any sign of her and had no leads as to where she was and where she was nesting--until tonight.

I asked Paco to put a heat lamp up in the barn for the hens because the nights have been brutal. He had to walk out to the lean-to in the back pasture, quite a distance from the barn, to get the heat lamp. Back in the farthest corner of the lean-to, behind a large feed crock that blocked the wind, was Trouble resolutely sitting on a nest she had fashioned out of hay. She was alive. This hiding place is quite a ways form the protection of the barn, and surrounded by rail fence. She has had to brave the weather, 3 dogs, and a long commute to get from barn to nest. Woods surround the len-to where she was nesting and our yard is frequently visited by predators.

Paco and I decided that she should be moved, by force, back to the barn. I admire her determination and respect her yearning for motherhood, as well as her surprising bravery and intelligence. She would clearly die if left on her nest. Honestly, it's a miracle she has not frozen to death or become someone's dinner.

The stall in the barn we use as a hen house joins with another stall, via a sliding window. So, we moved Trouble (she had to be forced off the nest), her 16 eggs, and hay for a new nest into the adjoining stall. This way she can still have a semi-private place to set on her eggs as well as warmth and access to food and water. Sadly, Trouble has no boyfriend on our farm and her eggs will never hatch, but we have promised her if she can make it through the winter we will get her a man and she can brood as many baby chicks as her heart desires. My own long and heartbreaking journey to motherhood makes me especially proud of and sensitive to Trouble's determination. She is one hell of a chicken. It was 12 degrees last night. She sat on those eggs, without access to food or water. She found the safest and warmest place she could outside the barn, and she has worked for weeks to build a nest of 16 perfect, yet unfertilized, eggs.

I am so glad we found her alive, but sad that we messed with her plans. I hope that she will like the nest where it is and her wanderlust is satiated for the time being.

A Letter To My Daughter

November 6, 2008


Dear Lillian,


First of all, dear, I love you. I want to write this letter so that you will understand what happened in these days and why it was so important. My sincere hope is that what has transpired now will not seem miraculous or abnormal to you in the future, and I want you to know why it was when it happened. I have explained to you now as well as I can and you have shared in the excitement along with us, but your 4-year-old self cannot grasp it all.

Two days ago, Barack Obama was elected the president of the United States of America. Your father and I very much wanted him to win. For the first time we donated money and time to an election campaign. We are confident that he is a great man who can not only inspire, but has the intellect and moral sense to be a truly great president and lead the American people and the world out of a very dark time. What I did not know until he won, and he won by a landslide baby, was that his victory would shake my soul. I am almost as emotional and joyful as I was at your birth. This feels like a birth. It is the birth of hope in me and in many others.

You and your father are the reason why I am so filled with emotion and joy. I don’t think I had admitted that to myself until yesterday. My wonderful brown immigrant husband and my amazing brown daughter are going to be able to live in a country where an intelligent, inspirational brown man is the leader of this country. It is a new day. The marginalized minorities of this country can step forward and know they are being represented too. I hope, for your sake, you are never president, but it makes all the difference in the world for you to know you could be.

I do not want you to think that Obama’s victory is so important because of the color of his skin. I would not have voted for someone based on skin color, just as I could never support Governor Palin based on the fact that she is a woman. It is so important because America finally showed it could see beyond color, beyond political parties, beyond apathy, and reach for hope. Not only are people like your father and I happy about this victory--- so is most of the world. Today has been declared a national holiday in Kenya, the birthplace of Obama’s father. On TV, we have seen people in Australia and Japan jumping up and down for joy. Many in the world sense that this means an America that can be a beacon again.

Our country has been locked in bitter times. The economy has fallen apart, we have spent so much time and energy accumulating wealth and almost none protecting our planet, and the politics of blame and hate have scapegoated and suppressed the poor and immigrants in this country. It is often darkest before the dawn. Bitter, aggressive, and greedy politics and the complacency and apathy of Americans caused a breakdown of such magnitude that it has brought this possibility. Obama and what he stands for would not have been possible unless Americans felt pushed into a corner. This is not just an election, but also a transformation.

Obama has unworldly expectations to live up to, and he won’t be able to deliver on all of them. I honestly believe, however, that his intentions are real and that he will do the best he can. He has awoken the American people and if we keep striving along with him, a lot can get better. We are at a point, as a country, and as an entire global family, where we must change the way we live in order to save life on our planet. I hope that this transformational change is just what we needed in order to reprioritize and make a revolutionary shift in the way we live. Like us, the Obama’s have young daughters. They want their children to have a home that is safe to live in.

I have hope for a post-Obama future as well. The people who made the big difference in this election, were young people and minorities. Millions of them voted for the first time. I helped a man register who said he had never voted before in his life. He has a black man who was in his 40’s. People stood in line for 6, 7, and 8 hours to vote. Obama’s mother was white and his father was a black man from Kenya. He grew up poor. His story and his words and his intentions have raised the expectations of the disenfranchised and the hopeless. My fervent wish is that his presidency will be a permanent shift in how and who we elect as our leaders and that the people who came forward to help this campaign will continue to work and vote and have hope for America. Your generation will grow up with a whole new set of expectations and understanding of how the world works.

Not only did Obama win, but he fought a tight race in the primaries against Hilary Clinton. In this historic and mind-boggling election, the democrats had to actually choose between a well-experienced liberal woman, and an inspirational man of color. What a choice to have. Cornel West, a Princeton scholar, said that what the country needs now is not a Clinton, but a Lincoln. These words ring true to me. Hilary Clinton would have made a good president and her victories in the primary broke barriers for all women, including you, but Obama will be a truly great president and represents a transformation of not only politics, but of the identity of Americans.

Your father came to this country 15 years go in order to have a real chance to make something of his life. Staying in Mexico would have meant spending his life working endless hours doing menial, backbreaking work without the ability to follow his dreams and make his own way. His story is the story of millions. His story is the story of America. Your birthparents had the same story. Your father has built, with my aide, his own independent and very successful business. He took an idea and an opportunity and has worked harder than anyone I have ever known to attain it. He has done it not just for him, but also for us. We have the satisfaction of knowing that despite the hardships it brings, we work for ourselves. Your father is not mistreated in someone else’s kitchen as many immigrants are, and he has created good, stable jobs for 20 more people—immigrants and citizens. His story, our story, is the American story. This country is great and strong because people from all over the world made their dreams into reality and were allowed the opportunity.

So for the first time I can ever remember, my darling daughter, I feel patriotic. I feel like my country lived up to my expectations of what America is supposed to be. I know in my soul now that your father chose the right country, as did your birthparents, and I am lucky to have been born here.

Yesterday, we celebrated. You had school in the morning and your father was at work, but last night we had an election fiesta. We had quintessential American food (and a menu I knew you would love). You enjoyed cheeseburgers, fries, salad, corn on the cob and ice cream sundaes (you were particularly excited about the sprinkles). After dinner and egg gathering, we played soccer with Tinsel and then we came inside and danced in the kitchen to a Dan Zanes CD. We listened to the lyrics: queremos bailar un dia de sonrisas that translates as we want to dance on this day of smiles. That was exactly how joyful we felt on this day of smiles. You even changed into your pink sparkly shoes. When I put you to bed, I told you a brief version of Obama’s life and election. Then I kissed you as you drifted off to sleep in a new world.

I love you,

Mom

the season of death

Happy Day of the Dead

tomorrow we will be making our pan de muerto and the candles are lit. we will have chicken from our own farm along with mole. our farm's eggs will go into the bread.

at this time when we remember our loved ones that are gone, we have new deaths to reflect on as well. Last Sunday, after a valiant effort that included pumping 3/4 gallon of goat electrolytes into Valentine and giving her 6 injections a day, we made the decision to put our 2 remaining goats down. Thankfully, Paco stepped up to do the dirty work. We still don't know exactly what we were fighting or how we got it, but the best guess is listeriosis. I have been truly saddened by our outcome and am not ready to make any decisions about future hoof stock.

tomorrow we will also get down the special pink box that holds the few mementos we have our our first daughter, Adele, who was stillborn 12 years ago tomorrow. Lillian has already asked about her. she knows that Day of the Dead is a celebration but also a sad reflection.

we had a great Halloween week. Lillian, paco, and I went down to the newly renovated Lafayette Theater for the "Boo Bash" showing of "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown." On Wednesday I got to make a special appearance in her preschool class t help the kids decorate sugar skulls. ON Thursday Paco and I were both in attendance for the class Halloween parade and songs. Friday night we both took her Trick or treating downtown and then I took her out to one of the subdivisions. She was a beautiful Pocahantas and I was very proud of her--she was a brave and very polite trick or treater. This year she went up and rang doorbells all by herself as I waited on the sidewalk.

Today we cleaned up the garden and rigged the poultry net so the hens could get in the garden and have their way with the mushy tomatoes.

Ohmmmm.

http://www.wlfi.com/global/video/popup/pop_playerLaunch.asp?clipId1=3018102&at1=News&vt1=v&h1=Parents+and+children+enjoy+yoga+together&d1=134834&redirUrl=www.wlfi.com&activePane=info&LaunchPageAdTag=homepage&clipFormat=flv

this link should take you to Lily and my's TV appearance for our yoga class.

Yesterday, we went to a local dairy where we got to tour the facility and see a calf being born. We were on a bus for the tour and when we stood up for disboarding, Lily pointed toward the back and said loudly "A Mexican! A Mexican!" Obviously she has been taught about Mexico and is starting to recognize people's ethnicities. We laughed, but explained it os not OK to point at people. Of course, since Lily and her dad are obviously Hispanic themselves, people thought this was cute.

She also amazed us yesterday by raising her hand in a group of 40 people and asking a question. I almost fell over!

About a month ago, we were in Indy at INS to renew Paco's green card. When I was filling out the form I told Paco it was complete except for his Alien number. This cracked Lillian up for hours to find out her daddy is a martian.

Misc

Here is Lily all ready to go into ballet. Good grief! She is adorable and loves it and I am very proud, but I must admit that I was the one mother that would have preferred kung fu and I got ballet. The moms sit outside and can see in via the one way glass. These moms chat about drill teams and cheereleaders and barbie. I knit.

Lillian was going through a difficult phase for awhile, but seems to be doing much better. She has been great recently. She has gone through a big developmental spurt recently as well as gaining an inch of height. She goes around reciting opposites. We were in an art gallery today and she pointed at a beauitful blue plate and said it looked like the MIlky Way. That kid.

Lillian sells our extra eggs and is doing a nifty business. She makes about $12-15 a week. She checks her ladies, all named Cahrlotte, and collects eggs every evening.

I am volunteering tomorrow for Obama. This election is so exciting. I have hope again.

Gotta go---bath is over.

catching up

Now that I am no longer milking and the garden is almost done, I am catching up. I spent the morning hours of Lily being at school, getting through the piles of crap on my desk. I even started Paco's citizenship app. If you apply before the end of the month it is cheaper and you get to take the easier test. Since Paco is a horrible test taker, it seems like the time to jump in.

The above pic is from early summer, but I would be remiss in not posting a trampoline pic.

Things are going well. Construction in front of La Scala is finally done. Our new GM is doing a bang-up job of increasing wine and liquor sales and the financial pic is a lot better. We are and will continue to be very careful---especially in this economy. I find it hard to imagine a way the W administration could have screwed up more. I also believe the only reason that this election is remotely close is due to racism and the high percentage of stupid rednecks in this country. Am I judgmental and a bit of an elitist? Guilty as charged, but I am not STUPID.

Lily is loving school, but her behavior recently has been on a decline. She is the over-tired, tantrum throwing girl that almost always means something is wonky in her diet. I am watching her diet like a hawk and waiting for the storm to pass. We are also talking a lot about patience and how it is just not fun to be a perfectionist. If anyone has ideas on how to curb the frustrations of a born perfectionist, pass them along.

She was snack leader today and we made popcorn balls. It was great, if sticky fun.

I have 4 dozen eggs and my fridge and they keep coming. Anyone want an omelet?

politics and eggs

As the election draws closer, I find myself getting excited. I have realized that if Obama wins, I will be, for the first time ever, patriotic.

I already decided that our little family will have a little red, white, and blue celebration if he wins. The idea of Barack Obama as president is so overwhelmingly delightful. It was announced yesterday that he is ahead even here in Indiana. ---In redneck, racist, backwoods Indiana. Maybe the one blessing of W is that he so totally screwed things up that it made it possible for someone like Obama to be electable. I am going to contact the local campaign and see how I can get involved.

As a family, we are doing a lot better. Things are back to normal. I am sleeping well, my mood is good, and pain is low. Lillian is so happy to be back in school and it gives structure to our days. As far as the farm, we are getting eggs now. It is like a daily treasure hunt. Lizzie is dried off and the garden has slowed way down.

I am taking yoga on Tuesdays and Lil and I take it together on Fridays. Our Yoga Together class was filmed by the local news yesterday and Lillian surprised me by desperately wanting to be interviewed. She chatted away and did not let me get a word in!

Paco has started running again. I am so glad. Proof to me that he is taking this blood sugar news seriously. Also, I made him an appt with the ND to talk about it.

things fall apart--or--finding a balance between blue go-gurt and hand-milked, handmade organic goat butter

well, it's been a long time. for the very few of you who read this blog, that is almost always a sign of trouble. I had a bad spell this late summer. things started getting bad near the end of July and got really bleak in August. I was doing so well that my MD and I made the decision to go off one of the anti-depressants in May. It seemed to go great, at first. Then I started to have sleeping trouble, did a bunch of stuff with the ND to help with that. Some of what we did was helpful, but not great and then things just got bad. I felt like it was nervous breakdown the revenge plus a horrible fibro flare at the same time.

Of course my brain and body fall apart at the height of the harvest and the height of the summer. it was just bad. once i hit bottom and had the sense of how bad it was, i went back on the meds I had been on 3 months earlier--when things were good. that made all the difference in the world, but took weeks. the depression med turns you into a zombie for the first weeks and it is just hard to function. a good deal more challenging if you are milking twice a day, spending 6-10 hours doing hard garden labor a week, and trying to preserve all that food for your family. oh, and, did i mention, your husband is only home long enough to be fed and your child demands your constant attention.

somehow we got through it. It was bad for me, but really bad for all of us. Lillian said to me that maybe I shouldn't have a daughter. that is the kind of thing that makes your heart stop. the kind of thing that makes you feel like the world's biggest asshole. I can't always control my brain chemistry or the waxing and waning of this crappy pain, but I can not overextend myself to the point that the work becomes my life instead of enhancing our lives.

so, a lot has changed. we are no longer milking. 2 goats have been sold. the garden is winding down, of it's own accord, and I threw in the towel on the weeds a long time ago. the big change is the milking. it is incredibly time consuming and demanding. besides the milking itself, there is the prep, the cleanup, and then you have to deal with all the milk. even just milking one goat, we had more than a gallon a day. that is a great deal of milk for a family of 3. i miss it and truly enjoyed it, but value the freedom even more. I am glad we did it, but I think chickens and garden are more than enough farm work for me right now.

we have eggs!!!! we started getting eggs about a week and a half ago. I love having our laying hens. they are so easy to take care of and you get treasure every day. we get aqua, seafoam, pink, and brown eggs from our 11 Auracuana hens. we started with 1-3/day, but have built to 4-6 a day now and soon will have too many to deal with. Lillian will eat as many as I would give her and have to watch her intake.

so, i was in the health food store and saw a pound of goat butter for $6.99. of course, to the uninitiated that seems crazy, but I think it's a steal. I know that about 12 hours of labor go into that butter. If I buy it twice a year so may daughter can have buttercream on her cake, I think she comes out way ahead! so that's the balance i am seeking---no blue go-gurt but also no handmade goat butter.

on the locavore front, we are doing great even if we no longer have our own dairy prodcuts. I have canned pickles, honey-cucumber-jalapeno relish, eggplant caponanta, tomato sauce (not worth the effort), lots of salsa, peaches, peach pie filling, applesauce, pickled beets, and various jams. I am still doing small batches of salsa as straggler tomatoes ripen. I have dried tons of eggplant, beets, peppers, and tomatoes. I have also roasted, peeled, and frozen lots of poblanos and chuska peppers. Plenty of zucchinni got turned into bread and is in the freezer. I will still be doing plenty of more apples---dried, pie filling and sauce. I will make a batch of pear-cranberry chutney when it is time. I have lots of triamble pumpkins to bake and freeze. we have both a 1/4 beef, and half a hog on the way for the freezer and 10 chickens alrwady in there (from our own backyard). not bad.

A Trying week

Well, I don't know where to start. It has been a busy, hectic and rough week. I am having a big Fibro flare which just makes everything hard. I apologized to Lillian today and tried to explain that my whole body hurts and I can't sleep well and it makes me cranky.

She is processing a lot right now and is a bit cranky herself. In the past week, she has prompted in-depth conversations about mortality and how life began----not her life, but life in general. At bedtime in Saturday, she asked me if Paco and I would die and whether she would die. I told her the truth and she cried and asked lots of questions. We talked about bodies and souls and reincarnation and burial. She has been very clingy, acting out, and terrified to sleep in her own room since this conversation. Paco and I told her that we understand that these are hard things to think about and may feel scary and if she has any questions, she should just ask us. We also told her she can sleep downstairs for awhile until she is not so scared. That helped a lot.

Tonight at dinner she asked me "if nobody was here, who grew us?" After a few clarifying questions, I determined she was asking how people came into being. Wooooo...first death and a few days later she slaps me with THE BIG QUESTION. I explained the concept of God as simply as I could and told her that whatever began the first life--even if that was just a little fish or a plant, it was something amazing and mysterious. She seemed satisfied for the time being and we did not go into evolution. The poor child has just discovered she and her family will die, I don't think I can hit her with her primate past right now.

Of course, Paco is still working doubles so I am dealing with all this, the pain, the farm, and bushels of produce alone and sometimes I just want to get in the car and drive away.----to a place with plush robes, a masseuse, and sparkling water.

A little comic relief---Lillian accosted Paco getting out of the shower (something he hates because she points and says --I see your winky!) and says to him "just so you know, you need to be more careful about not taking all the blankets at night. You try to wrap yourself like an enchilada and we get cold. Please try to stop this. Thanks.

Dog Days of Summer

Pictures are of Lillian dressed up "fancy" like Fancy Nancy, Lillian holding a handful of Mexican Sour Gherkins (ie Mouse Melons) from the garden, and Lillian after she has smeared avocado all over her face.

These are the dog days of summer. WE have been 90+ all week. The upside is the pool is 86-90 degrees all the time. We have spent our days playing and working. Lillian and I are still enjoying playgroups, yoga, and library programs. I try to get something fro the garden preserved in some fashion every day. Today my goal is eggplant. I think my attempt will be to dry the big ones and roast the pintung for dinner. I have 100's of tomatoes out there, but so far have had only 2 ripe ones. The cold spring has those heat lovers pushed back. Lillian and I picked a quarter bushel of tomatillos that I canned into salsa yesterday. There are 4 times that more coming. Salsa verde and chili verde is something that we can almost not have enough of.

My health is good--much better. Lillian and Paco have colds right now and I don't----completely MIRACULOUS!!! I am still not sleeping great and am having some digestive upset, but have some a long, long way. I did return to Zyrtec, due to headaches, but am not taking singulair or anything else for allergies/asthma. I am having a good summer and dread that it is flying past so fast.

Construction in front of La Scala is the blight on our summer. It is AWFUL and we are in dire financial starights. We will persevere, I know but it is really awful. Paco is working every night but Thursday, which makes extra long days for me too. I am so looking forward to Purdue being back in session and the sidewalk being done.

Beware what you plant, it may grow

The family reunion is over now and was a great success. It was hard to say goodbye to my family. I desperately want my parents to move here, but I don't think it is in the cards--at least not anytime soon.

Now that family has come and gone, I am dealing day and night with the fruits of my labor--I should say--meat, veggies, and milk of my labors. Honestly, I am afraid of my garden. Everything is growing like crazy. The squash vines will soon be coming in my bedroom window at night to strangle me. Cucumbers have gone insane. I have already made more pickles than we will ever eat and I have another planting coming on. Zucchini are pouring in and I have already harvested zuchinno ramipicante---the horn shaped Italian heirloom. I harvested the first tomatoes today--green sausage. I am not too impressed with them. I am battling potato beetles, but insect pressure has been low otherwise. Garlic is all curing. I am harvesting carrots as we can use them and a few onions too. The weeds are out of control in the raspberries. Eggplants are forming fruits like crazy and I have harvested a few. I have a large amount of poblanos already and some bell peppers. My beets are huge. I am trying some in the dehydrator. I also dried some of the squash and am pleased with the results--good for soups and casseroles. Frozen squash is abysmal. ooh, I almost forgot the mouse melons--Mexican Sour Gherkins--they are amazingly cute and delicous. Lillian eats all I can harvest. I will defintely grow them again, but in a raised bed or container, they are so tiny they get lost.

I have put up cherry, strawberry, raspberry, and currant jam--all made with agave nectar instead of sugar. I am making cheese for aging as milk accumulates. Dad helped me make Havarti last week and I made Gouda yesterday. All 14 Mr. Dinner's are in the freezer. Paco and I did one and it took an hour. A week later, Paco hired our dishwasher, Felix, to help him with the other 13 which were processed in the matter of 3 hours!! Felix grew up in the chicken business in Mexico. The first Mr. Dinner was turned into a Mexican-style Chicken soup today with our home grown carrots, squash, onions, cilantro, and garlic. How is that for local eating? Lillian just said we did a great job--"Mr. Dinner tastes just like regular chicken." If my calculations are right, we should be getting eggs from the Charlottes by the end of the month. Yippee!!

Lillian is having a great summer. She was thrilled to have a week of 24/7 playmates in her 4 cousins. her and Tory's birthday celebration was great and we took everyone to Indiana Beach on Tuesday. She was not the daredevil of last year, but did have great fun shooting water at Grampy, Sky, Tory, and Daddy and riding the Ferris wheel with Grampy and Daddy. Mom and I kept our feet firmly on the ground. Paco missed the boat, literally, while Mom, Dad, Lily, and I took a tour on Lake Shafer.